Zoe's Thoughts

Holidays

Zoe — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 16:56:24 +0000

Handling the Holidays:

Depression, grief and sadness are often unwelcome visitors for any couple experiencing infertility. The holidays are a particularly tough time for most. Not only do the holidays bring an emphasis on family, they are also a reminder that another year has passed without a baby. Insensitive questions and remarks can make an already difficult situation harder.

One very effective way of handling grief and depression is to seek support. Counseling can help people feel less alone. Infertility does not last forever. Getting some support during this hard time is a healthy way to cope.

Another tip to make it through these tough times is to be gentle with yourself. Maybe you don’t have to go to all the parties, maybe you don’t have to host the holiday dinner, maybe you opt out of celebrating this year. Coping with Infertility is hard and takes a lot of physical and emotional energy.

Supporting a Grieving Family–how to help

Zoe — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 21:28:48 +0000

1. Be supportive- visit or call to say, “I care and want to help.”
2. Treat the bereaved couple equally. Men need as much support as women.
3. Be available. Parents need direct help providing a meal, doing errands, and baby-sitting if they have other children at home.
4. Allow parents to talk about their loss; ask but don’t pry.
5. Learn about the grieving process. There are many resources available.
6. Don’t be afraid of reminding the parents about the child. They have never forgotten. Letting them know you remember is comforting.
7. Be liberal with touching a grieving parent. They need contact and gentle hugs.

Coping with Miscarriage

Zoe — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 16:35:35 +0000

If you or someone you love have experienced a miscarriage, then you know that it is a real, heart-wrenching loss. Miscarriages are the most common form of personal tragedy that couples go through in their early years of partnership. Miscarriages are said to occur in 1 in 5 pregnancies. Although grief can feel isolating at times, if you have had a miscarriage, you are not alone in having gone through this experience.

Taking time to grieve a pregnancy, is acknowledging the magnitude of the loss. Most people make plans for the baby long before the positive pregnancy result. The dreams folks have for their children are very real and very important. It is important to remember, the baby is deeply missed no matter how long the pregnancy was.

Counseling can provide the opportunity to grieve and share about your pregnancy and your loss. Seeking help from a grief counselor can provide the comfort of knowing that your baby has not gone from this world unnoticed or unblessed.

Father’s Day

Zoe — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 00:03:17 +0000

Coping with pregnancy and infant loss is a complicated task. Especially for men. If you know of a man who has experienced this type of loss, reach out to him on Father’s day. Holidays as well as other important dates such as the baby’s predicted due date and the first year anniversary of the child’s birth and death are important times to recognize.

If you have experienced this loss, be gentle with yourself during this time. It may be helpful to communicate your feelings. Talk about the baby and your feelings with your partner, family and friends. Express your grief if you can. Strength is finding your way through the darkness of grief. It takes immense courage to grieve. Ultimately, you honor your child by honoring your feelings.

Especially for Fathers

Zoe — Tue, 26 May 2009 15:53:08 +0000

With Father’s Day coming up, I wanted to address the unique grief of men after an infant or a pregnancy loss. Typically, the focus of support is on the mother. I know men grieve too. The baby had dreams and hopes attached to it unique to you. Maybe you were looking forward to having a little “football player” or someone to take your name. Infant and pregnancy loss is devastating to BOTH parents.

Parents are often dismayed to discover they grieve differently. It is important to avoid judging each other. There are real differences between how men and women express grief. This is largely due to our culture. Men often feel pressure to “be strong” and not to cry. I know that that a man’s grief may be more heartfelt than it appears to be from the outside.

Grief counseling can be beneficial to express some of the emotions associated with loss. Grief that isn’t expressed can go underground. Grief can be hidden in silence, secrecy, action, work and addiction. If you are feeling stuck, you and your partner may benefit by talking to a professional grief counselor.